Another week ahead of us an and another start to a fresh new month.
February is one of those months that can cause some undue stress on our systems.
Not only is it cut short a few days of it’s peers, amplifying our stresses because of the lost allotment of time to accomplish those never ending to do lists we create for ourselves, but it also hosts that ONE day a year where you’re supposed to be emphatic about your affection for your lover.
The whole thing is kinda silly though, when you think about it… not the “lost days,” that shit’s real… sorry!
My quandary is with the concept of Valentines day.
Don’t hate on me! I’m not a cynic, quite contrary actually…
It’s because LOVE (the thing Valentines Day is all about) has actually nothing to do with over the top declarations, chocolates and roses.
Truth be told, I’m a romantic at heart. What irks me, is that our society only promotes ONE DAY of the whole damn year to take the effort to show your love to those that matter most.
I believe it is our duty as partners, hell… as human beings to make it a daily mission to spread love, compassion and kindness into the world.
And, if there’s a particular soul you appreciate and adore above most others, then I think everyday should feel like Valentines Day!
I understand that grandeur gestures are not entirely practical (or economical) in day to day living.
However, declaring your love and appreciation for your partner has very little to do (in the genuine sense) with grandeur gestures.
Here’s the thing.
I’m speaking from a place of newly reconnected perspective.
On the evening of January 24th, my love Alfred was in a horrific bike accident that placed him in the ICU for 2 nights before the doctors could do any operations required to repair the injuries to his broken jaw, cheek and eye socket.
It was terrifying.
Thankfully, he is on the mend.
His first surgery was a huge success and each day we are seeing massive improvements. However, in those beginning moments, until he was transported to the international hospital in Denpasar Bali, we thought we might lose him forever.
Which brings me back to my soapbox.
The night Alfred was in his accident we were both out with some friends and I was getting tired and wanted to go home – he didn’t. Because he is a gentleman and wouldn’t let me take a taxi so he could stay out, he drove me home.
However, before he left again we began to argue.
I didn’t want him to go back out (I had this weird, instinctual, gut wrenching sensation coursing through my body… every fibre was screaming for him to stay in with me). I shared with him what I was feeling and I asked him over and over to stay.
Normally, in our relationship, if one person wants to go out and the other isn’t feeling it then we do our own thing and connect later on. However, I could not shake this feeling I had and because it was so strong, I was being persistent, I wanted him to stay in with me, and he walked out slamming the door.
An hour after I had expected him home, I sent a text asking him to let me know he was ok? I then received the call that I was dreading. The one I hope you never have. The one where our friend rang up, rattled and trying to speak over the blaring sound of sirens.
You can imagine the horror I felt, the fear that my last conversation with my love ended with him storming out.
We are blessed that Alfred will be ok. However, the entire experience reconnected me with two very important reminders.
- Honor your instinct – if it’s abnormally thunderous, trust that the universe is giving you signs and heed them.
- You never know if the last words you say to someone will in fact be the last you ever say to them. So, choose them carefully. I am such a big believer on this, now Alfred it too!
I have a friend who’s mom makes it a point to ensure that she says “I Love You” as the last thing to her husband or children every time someone leaves the house – no matter what the status of their conversation was prior. She does so to ensure that even if they are fighting, that her family will know with certainty that above all else she loves them indefinitely.
A beautiful practice I think would serve us all well.
My end of January events reminded me of the importance of showing and sharing love all year round and not to wait for holidays or horrific events.
So, since Feb is all about love, for the Book of the Month I thought it would be fitting to highlight Gary Chapmans The Five Love Languages.
Chapman highlights the ways in which we show and receive love.
He breaks them down into 5 categories:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Quality time
Most of us will have moments where we resonate with all of the love languages, however we all have one or two primary languages we resonate with. Mine are Quality Time and Words of Affirmation.
The key take away from this book is that the ways in which you receive love may (and likely do) differ from the ways in which your partner receives the love you have to offer. It is therefor our responsibility to learn their love language and use it accordingly to connect.
It is a very simple theory and yet harnesses great power.
For example: if your partners love language is receiving gifts, you don’t need to buy them diamond and pearls, or iPhone X’s. If you love someone and want to show them, then a simple gesture like buying them a coffee on your way home from yoga, or bringing them their fav dinner when they’re working late will clearly communicate with them your feelings.
The book itself is short and sweet and is an easy and enjoyable read. There is an online quiz you and your partner and/or children should take before reading it that will determine what your predominant love language is, this will give you context to the content as you dig in.
So, what’s the moral of this story?
Make everyday Valentines Day.
Don’t wait for that one “special” day of the year to make a point of sharing your love for those that matter to you.
Non of us know how much time we have left and as such we need to treat each moment like it’s our last.
On that note, I would like to say something to you. [Yes – You!]
I love you.
Thank you for joining me on this journey, for being apart of the Vidya Tribe.
Your presence, your contribution to this community means more to me then you may realise and I want you to really hear me when I say – I love you!
Take care of yourselves and each other.
With love to inspire + nourish + entertain